Category: Domestic Violence

January 30, 2019

Over-criminalization is seen as a major problem in America. Our nation has the highest incarceration rate of any country in the world. In response, Congress approved the FIRST STEP Act last year. And discussions how to address the opioid crisis repeatedly emphasized the need for mental health treatment, not incarceration of offenders.

So what about domestic violence? Many persons believe domestic violence also has become over-criminalized:

• Overly broad definitions: The most common example has been to define “violence” in terms of its alleged psychological impact.
• Mandatory arrest laws: In most cases, the victim says, “I don’t want him (or her) to be arrested, I just want the abuser to get help!”
• No-drop prosecution policies: No-drop policies require prosecutors to pursue the case, despite the wishes of the victim. In about four-fifths of cases, the person who requests police assistance later recants or drops the charges.

As a result, victims have become reluctant to call the police for help. The harmful impact of such policies is especially worrisome in African-American communities.

In recent years, feminist groups have become increasingly critical of VAWA’s over-reliance on criminal approaches. As early as 2003, the Ms. Foundation for Women noted, “Unfortunately, when state power has been invited into, or forced into, the lives of individuals, it often takes over.”[1]

More recently, University of Maryland law professor Leigh Goodmark has launched a campaign to educate the public and lawmakers about the problems of over-criminalization. In her recent book, “Decriminalizing Domestic Violence,” she calls for a balanced approach recognizing that domestic violence also needs to be viewed as an economic, public health, community, and human rights problem.[2] And dozens of professors, attorneys, and others have endorsed a series of principles designed to rein in the over-criminalization of domestic violence.[3]

H.R. 6545

In July 2018, Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee introduced her VAWA reauthorization bill, H.R. 6545. The centerpiece of her bill is this expanded definition:

Domestic Violence – The term ‘domestic violence’ means a pattern of behavior involving the use or attempted use of physical, sexual, verbal, emotional, economic, or technological abuse or any other coercive behavior committed, enabled, or solicited to gain or maintain “power and control” over a victim…[emphasis added]

Think about this in personal terms:

• Verbal abuse: Have you ever called, or attempted to call, your partner a derogatory name?
• Emotional abuse: Have you ever given your partner the “silent treatment”?
• Economic abuse: Have you ever told, or attempted to tell, your partner to stop over-spending the credit card?
• Technological abuse: Have you ever sent an annoying email?

Does this trivialize the problem of real domestic violence? Will this serve to overwhelm our criminal justice system with minor cases? Won’t this open the door to a cascade of false allegations?

Is this really where we want to take the domestic violence debate in our country?

Citations:

[1] Ms. Foundation for Women. Safety and Justice for All. 2003.

[2] Leigh Goodmark, Decriminalizing Domestic Violence. University of California Press, 2018.

[3] Coalition to End Domestic Violence, Fourteen Principles for VAWA Reform. http://endtodv.org/statements/opinion-leaders/

January 29, 2019

The federal government shows that statistically men and women abuse at equal rates.  The difference is that Men are more likely to use physical abuse while women are more likely to use a deadly weapon and poison.  Both use Psychological abuse and Domestic Violence by Proxy at an equal rate.  And while this is statistically correct, there is  major issue.  Most men do not report abuse because they are afraid of it being turned around on them or being called weak for allowing a woman to abuse them.

For over two decades I have been working with survivors of psychological abuse and physical abuse.  Statistically, I have an equal number of men and women that I work with who are victims.  These men and women I work with are 99% psychologically abused with 25% of them being physically abused.  And 99% of them being accused falsely of some kind of physical abuse.  Gaslighting, which is defined as the “manipulation of someone by psychological means into questioning their own sanity,” is one of the biggest ways someone can be abused.

Psychological abuse is actually more damaging than physical because it cannot be seen and thus is less likely to get addressed.  And when less likely to be treated, it escalates to serious issues.  Someone who is gaslight constantly has only one of two choices to turn to in their life.  They either become extremely critical and down on themselves or they become sociopathic and abuse themselves.  The one thing they both have in common is extreme low self-esteem and sense of self-worth.

To get proper statistical data on how many men are abused, one only needs to go to an Emergency room.  Ask any medical staff member in an ER and they will tell you that they have just as many men who are abused coming in for treatment as women.  The difference is that the men will not allow them to report the incident.  This is a serious issue as their lack of reporting creates issues in determining solutions for Domestic Violence.

Probably one of the biggest red flags is when a person claims that they are all good and perfect and the other person is all bad.  When we talk in black and white as if there is no middle in-between, that is a huge red flag that the reporter of the abuse is possibly lying.  When we meet a person who we become involved with, there was clearly a positive attraction and therefore should be at least one good memory amongst all of the abuse.  For someone to say that one person is all good and the other is all bad, is the signs of a narcissist.  Even truly abused people will tell you something positive about their abuser, because otherwise, why did they stay with them for so long.

This is especially true if the reporting person is cunning and sociopathic enough to convince all the other authorities that the person they are reporting is a liar, crazy, insane and that the professionals should not even talk to them.  In my over two decades of work and research this is a huge red flag of narcissism and that psychological abuse is occurring.  Women are equally as likely to use psychological abuse as men.  And unless someone is trained to recognize it, they fail at their job and cause more harm.

But I can also tell you story after story after story of cases where true abuse was completely ignored because the narcissist was able to convince the professionals that it never happened.  Their ability to control a situation using gaslighting and psychological abuse is exceptionally dangerous.  And I can tell you story after story of false allegations of abuse, that were easy to prove never happened but the professionals were not trained or educated enough in the art of deception by a narcissist.

Until society gets this correct and stops allowing for the false allegations due to improperly trained and educated professionals who cannot recognize false and true allegations or even psychological abuse, there will be no end to it.  And until reporters do true and honest reporting, society cannot even begin to get it right or to understand it.