January 29, 2019
The federal government shows that statistically men and women abuse at equal rates. The difference is that Men are more likely to use physical abuse while women are more likely to use a deadly weapon and poison. Both use Psychological abuse and Domestic Violence by Proxy at an equal rate. And while this is statistically correct, there is major issue. Most men do not report abuse because they are afraid of it being turned around on them or being called weak for allowing a woman to abuse them.
For over two decades I have been working with survivors of psychological abuse and physical abuse. Statistically, I have an equal number of men and women that I work with who are victims. These men and women I work with are 99% psychologically abused with 25% of them being physically abused. And 99% of them being accused falsely of some kind of physical abuse. Gaslighting, which is defined as the “manipulation of someone by psychological means into questioning their own sanity,” is one of the biggest ways someone can be abused.
Psychological abuse is actually more damaging than physical because it cannot be seen and thus is less likely to get addressed. And when less likely to be treated, it escalates to serious issues. Someone who is gaslight constantly has only one of two choices to turn to in their life. They either become extremely critical and down on themselves or they become sociopathic and abuse themselves. The one thing they both have in common is extreme low self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
To get proper statistical data on how many men are abused, one only needs to go to an Emergency room. Ask any medical staff member in an ER and they will tell you that they have just as many men who are abused coming in for treatment as women. The difference is that the men will not allow them to report the incident. This is a serious issue as their lack of reporting creates issues in determining solutions for Domestic Violence.
Probably one of the biggest red flags is when a person claims that they are all good and perfect and the other person is all bad. When we talk in black and white as if there is no middle in-between, that is a huge red flag that the reporter of the abuse is possibly lying. When we meet a person who we become involved with, there was clearly a positive attraction and therefore should be at least one good memory amongst all of the abuse. For someone to say that one person is all good and the other is all bad, is the signs of a narcissist. Even truly abused people will tell you something positive about their abuser, because otherwise, why did they stay with them for so long.
This is especially true if the reporting person is cunning and sociopathic enough to convince all the other authorities that the person they are reporting is a liar, crazy, insane and that the professionals should not even talk to them. In my over two decades of work and research this is a huge red flag of narcissism and that psychological abuse is occurring. Women are equally as likely to use psychological abuse as men. And unless someone is trained to recognize it, they fail at their job and cause more harm.
But I can also tell you story after story after story of cases where true abuse was completely ignored because the narcissist was able to convince the professionals that it never happened. Their ability to control a situation using gaslighting and psychological abuse is exceptionally dangerous. And I can tell you story after story of false allegations of abuse, that were easy to prove never happened but the professionals were not trained or educated enough in the art of deception by a narcissist.
Until society gets this correct and stops allowing for the false allegations due to improperly trained and educated professionals who cannot recognize false and true allegations or even psychological abuse, there will be no end to it. And until reporters do true and honest reporting, society cannot even begin to get it right or to understand it.